Expert expat tips: dealing with a life lived overseas

Yes there will be stress, but moving abroad can be a wonderfully enriching experience.

Invariably, a move abroad delivers a boost to one’s overall wellbeing. Life becomes more exciting, full of new experiences and encounters that put a spring in the step and a smile across the face.

But new and exciting can also mean uncomfortable and challenging. For every uplifting experience there can sometimes come a moment that deflates a new expat, and a recent survey by expat networking group InterNations found that there were recurring series’ of problems that expats of all ages seemed to face, including the loss – or lack – of a personal support network, an alien language and culture, as well as things such as finding a relationship and getting ahead professionally…

These are not trivial matters, which is why the Telegraph’s excellent expat page on its website has sought the advice of two experts to offer up a handy couple of tips and hints to help the British expat navigate life overseas more easily.

Here is a selection of the best snippets of advice…

For those missing old friends: London-based Ukranian author of ‘Moving Without Shaking’ Yelena Parker says that the onus is on the expat to maintain old friendships and family relationships.

“It is easier to leave than be left behind: you are the one who should take the lead on sharing news, asking for and offering support,” says Parker. “If you use social networks, people will get your updates, but don’t assume that your social life online can replace one-to-one interactions. Set schedules and make commitments with people who are important to you.” Parker recommends installing WhatsApp on your smartphone and Skype on your computer to help you stay in touch – it is amazing how much a face-to-face online chat with friends and family helps maintain relationships.

Looking for love? Spain is a great place for British expats to begin a relationship.

For those worried about having a relationship: Expat counselor Dyhan Summers says that it can often be difficult for expats to spark up a lasting relationship when they live abroad for two reasons: they do not immediately know the culture in which they are now immersed, and they are likely to spend a lot of their time among working expats, many of whom may already be in a relationship.

“Talk to other single people at a posting, see if there are activities for singles, and what the country’s attitude is toward singles before making a decision to move,” says Summers. In Spain, the Costa del Sol has a thriving expat community, making it relatively easy to find a compatible partner, while Brits with their eye on finding a Spanish partner are advised to try to learn Spanish and adapt to the country’s culture as best they can.

For those with a career to worry about: General finances aside, a person’s career can be as much a source of pride and fulfillment as a rich social life. Learning the business culture of a new country is therefore imperative if an expat wants to get ahead professionally.

“Don’t expect that the local business people will adjust to you,” says Parker. “Hold your judgments, learn what’s appropriate and works best from other expats and your colleagues.” Parker suggests scouring Facebook and LinkedIn for contacts who have already settled successfully overseas. “Ask for introductions, ask questions, don’t be shy,” she says.

Moving can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be…

For those hoping to make new friends: This is a biggie. Fortunately, it’s also the easiest one to achieve. As an expat, the onus is once again on you to get out there and widen your social circle. Say yes to invites. Be enthusiastic. Be friendly, ask questions, sign up for events, join a club, visit bars – simply get your face out there.

“If you’re finding it difficult to make friends,” suggests Summers, “then find something you feel passionate about that involves other people – a sure-fire way of making lasting friendships.” This could involve joining a sports team, a dance troupe, learning a language. “There is nothing like bonding over a common interest to pave the way to true friendship.”

For those hoping to learn the language: The advice here is simple: practice and immerse. “Spend as much time as you can afford, and use free language learning tools to get started prior to your move,” says Parker.

Having a bonafide reason to learn the local lingo helps, too – whether it’s a desire to meet a local partner, improve your job prospects or widen your social circle. “Consider exchange-tutoring someone in your language in exchange for them helping you with theirs,” Parker adds.

For those feeling stressed by the change: Change happens, but it only feels like change for a short while. Soon enough, what used to be new and unusual becomes the norm. Culture shock is real, but it subsides, so don’t be deterred by the challenges of life in your new country – they soon enough won’t be challenges any longer.

The important thing is to identify what your sources of stress are, and address them. If your partner or children are unsettled, try to actively make them feel more at home. If you feel stressed or tired, ask yourself what you can or could change to make life easier. “If, after a long while, the signs point to going back home, it is often wise to heed the call,” says Summers.

But stick it out for as long as you can – more times than not, it is worth it in the end.