Ten rather British expat problems

Life's a beach for British expats in Spain, save for a few awkward encounters

There are few things that have me in stitches. In a literal sense, I went over the handlebars of my BMX when I was a nine-year-old, cutting a hole in my chin that required a daunting trip to the emergency room and an even more daunting telling-off from my mom. In a metaphorical sense, the occasional funny cat meme might do it, but more often than not my default chuckle setting is mild mirth.

That is until I stumbled across the Twitter account Very British Problems. If you’re in any way a typically awkward, overly-polite Brit, I urge you to check it out. It’s hilarious…Anyway, after whiling away for too many hours scrolling through the account’s tweets, the idea struck me – what are the typical problems faced by British expats in Spain on a regular basis? While I could never hope to match the wit and clever observations of the author of Very British Problems, here are ten situations that I think may resonate with the average Brit abroad.

Have a read and maybe add your own observations below.

1. Constantly running out of credit on your pay-as-you-go mobile because you still cannot face the rigmarole of actually stepping foot into a Spanish phone shop and getting a proper contract.

2. Having to constantly tell friends who visit that there’s no rush; no, you can’t get served at the bar, and yes – gracias is easy to say, so stop muttering ‘thanks’ under your breath every time you interact with a local waiter.

3. Forming overly verbose sentences with the few Spanish words you do know just so you can order a baguette at the local bakery.

4. Mastering a breezy ‘hola!’ when entering a shop, then spending the next five minutes browsing in a panic, hoping the assistant doesn’t come over and ask if you need any help.

5. Tutting impatiently at holidaying Brits who try to alight the bus at the front, rather than through the double doors in the middle. Do they know nothing about Spanish bus etiquette?!

6. Marvelling at the 30c+ temperature in summer, even though that’s the reason you moved to Spain and hot, sunny, faultless days should no longer surprise you.

7. Doing a mini hop of joy when visitors bring over any of the following items from the UK: Cadbury chocolate, normal-sized bags of crisps, Yorkshire Tea teabags, cider, Marmite, Branston Pickle or Bassetts Liquorice Allsorts – even though you can get all this and more on the Coast.

8. Telling friends and family that you can’t wait for ‘a chilly morning’ before your trip to the UK, then spending the whole time counting down the hours until your flight back to sunny Spain.

9. Panicking when the Marbella weather forecast for the weekend ahead – even though it’s still April – reads 20c and cloudy because you’d planned to sunbathe all weekend.

10. Having to explain to friends back home that just because your urbanisation has a pool, it doesn’t mean you’re suddenly rich beyond your wildest dreams – it’s just normal.

Have you ever experienced any of these or have any to add yourself?

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