Three signs you’re ready to move to Spain

Is it time for you to checkout of the UK?

With many of life’s key decisions, you’re usually given fair warning of why a change is needed. Finding a new job becomes paramount as soon as it becomes untenable. You know a new car is on the cards when that rattling noise in the engine just won’t go away. And you can tell it’s time for children when you find yourself cooing at each and every passing baby you see.

But how can you tell that it’s time to move to Spain? Sometimes the signs are easy to spot. Other times, you don’t even realise that your current lifestyle is steering you towards the airport exit lounge. So here are three handy signs that I think mean you’re ready to ditch Blighty and hop on a plane to Spain…

Sign 1: The anti-Europe attitude in Britain makes no sense to you
For many Little Englanders, the UK rules the waves and foreigners need to know their place. These people are vocal and often found in the most surprising of places. It is an attitude that is manifest in jealousy and a lack of direction. Britain, after all, used to have plenty of global clout. Alas, no longer. It doesn’t want to be part of a collective club of nations working together for a better and fairer society for all. So it lashes out. Or, at least some people do.

But if these people’s posturing and pomposity makes no sense to you, if you love Europe and the EU and want to experience life in another country (and as an EU citizen you’re free to do so), then perhaps now’s the time to get out. Before – hyperbole alert! – it’s too late.

Sign 2: Why don’t people dine outside?
Travel across Europe as a Brit and it becomes increasingly evident that the UK is an island apart from the continent. We have our own quirks and behaviours which few other countries in Europe have. Many of them are cherished idiosyncrasies, but if you start to find that you’re fed up with pub food served inside at a sticky, numbered table, then maybe it’s time for the last supper in the UK.

In Spain, as in most other European countries (even the cold ones, like Sweden), dining outside is a way of life. Waiters are professionals who take pride in their work and service, not some bored, barely sentient and half hungover student sniffing their way through their shift. Socialising in Spain takes place outdoors, in squares and plazas, with neighbours, friends and family. Food is served, but it’s often secondary to the wider experience.

If you’ve begun to notice this too, then it’s time to move to Spain.

Sign 3: “Unexpected item in bagging area”
Any fed-up Brit will have heard that phrase before. Whether it’s the one from Tesco’s self-service checkouts or Sainsbury’s, I don’t know. But what I do know is that it’s annoying. Self-service machines are annoying (well, they’re great if you have just one or two items and are in a rush); the ubiquity of Tesco Metro stores is annoying; the lack of choice or local competition on High Streets is annoying. Greggs pasties. Chain pub vomitariums. Late night kebab scuffling. Endless rain. Talent shows.

I could go on. But if you’re on the same page as me, I won’t have to. You’ll have your own list. So if modern British life is rubbish, frustrating, annoying or just, well, boring, then it really is time to go.

And there is nothing stopping you. Spain will welcome you with open arms, dazzling weather, bustling squares, brilliant beaches and awful TV. But then I never said it was perfect…